I dont get it

Some days, I feel as though nothing around me is real... like everything going on is some type of bad dream, and that I will soon wake up. But, the day goes on, and I don't wake up. No matter how surreal I feel it all is, it's there. It's real, and whole, and I have to try to deal with it.

Sometimes, it's easy enough to deal with. I can lift my head, and smile at the world, pushing through the emotional pain and the fears I have. I can laugh with friends over dinner and a couple of drinks, and I can play that everything is perfect. Inevitibly though, something happens to knock me back to that surreal, dead space, where everything is grey, and the sun won't shine. Tonight, that something happened when I tried to communicate with someone I love very dearly.

I've written before about hating walls, and being one who needs to knock everybody's down. Now one has been errected by someone, and I can't break through... It is more solid than any wall I have ever encountered. Usually I break the walls, but I feel like this one has broken me. I am so sick of tears. I thought I was doing okay, because this person and I were able to chat... just chat in a friendly fashion... Then **POP** up springs this unbreakable wall.

I don't think I can even climb it.